


breathe you in

by itsmylifekay



Series: Steve wearing Bucky's shirt apparently leads to sex [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Post CA:TWS, lots of pet names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:02:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1931187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmylifekay/pseuds/itsmylifekay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning from being the winter soldier, Bucky decides it's time to figure out if Steve still wants him the same as before.</p><p>Or, Steve gets a new shirt and of course they have to break it in</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathe you in

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fannishfrenzyluff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fannishfrenzyluff/gifts).



> This one was ten times harder to write so i hope you like it!!!

 

\---+---+---+---

Bucky…wasn’t sure about a lot of things anymore. It was hard to see the divide between who he was, who he’d been, and who he was supposed to be. It was hard to distinguish dreams and nightmares from reality. Sometimes, he’d open his eyes sure he was in a holding cell at Hydra, coming out of cryo and waiting for orders. Other days, all he could picture was a muggy little apartment in Brooklyn, or the pre-dawn fog and back pain from waking on the ground somewhere in the middle of Europe. So many of his memories were mixed together and jumbled, a puzzle that had been scattered and brought back together again missing a few pieces and entirely out of place. Except for the center.

There was one thing that Bucky was always sure of.

And that was a man with blond hair and ocean blue eyes. A man named Steve who would call him Bucky and had the same laugh no matter if he was small and short like he’d break if Bucky so much as breathed on him, or larger than life itself and screaming at him _You know me!_

It had gotten better though. _He’d_ gotten better. There were fewer and fewer days he woke up across the globe. Fewer times he’d look up at a familiar face with a pounding between his ears and ask, “Who am I?”

Now, he felt it was safe to say he knew he was Bucky Barnes. James Buchannan Barnes, to be exact. (It had been a special day in both his and Steve’s lives when he’d remembered that one, scrunched his face up and said, _damn, well I guess that explains the nickname._ )

He knew he wasn’t the same as before, more like Bucky Barnes 2.0 than any kind of recreation of the past. His time as the Winter Soldier was too engrained, too damaging for him to pretend it didn’t exist. It was as much a part of him as any of his other memories, but he’d like to think he didn’t let it define him.

He couldn’t say the same for others.

He wasn’t dumb, and he sure as hell wasn’t unobservant (super assassin, duh), so he knew the way people looked at him. He saw how they would tense up as he walked by, whisper behind his back. The Winter Soldier wasn’t supposed to have been saved; he was supposed to have been stopped. And not in the way Steve had done it, with long months of recovery and screams in the middle of the night. Steve had stopped the Winter Soldier by recovering Bucky Barnes, had saved him when no one else thought he could be saved.

But he could tell some people still doubted he’d even been saved at all- as if anyone could look into Steve’s earnest blue eyes and not fall apart completely.

But despite what they thought, Bucky was more confident in himself. He trusted himself to wake up from a nightmare and realize what he was doing _before_ he crushed Steve’s throat with a swift punch to the neck. He allowed himself to roam Steve’s apartment without supervision, confident he wouldn’t run away. He was _better,_ far enough along on the road to recovery that he finally felt it time to scratch the itch that had been bugging him since he’d first seen Steve’s naked back and thought _oh, I’ve seen this before,_ right before his eyes widened and he realized _he’d seen **a lot** of Steve before._

At first he hadn’t been sure but more and more memories had come back to him. Steve’s lips around a water bottle prompting images of blond hair between his thighs and those pink lips around something entirely different, white dripping down his chin. Walking in on Steve sprawled out on the couch, half asleep as some crappy television show played on in the background, brought back thoughts of a different couch, a different time, Steve splayed out and naked and wanting.

Steve had laughed, and Bucky realized he knew what that tasted like, what it felt like against his lips.

He knew for sure that he and Steve had once been more than friends, but he had no idea if Steve still felt the same way, still wanted that kind of relationship with him. A lot had changed in the years they’d been apart…

He decided to wait until the moment was right, to see if Steve would give him some inkling as to whether or not this feeling was still something they shared. And so far, he’d not gotten much to go off of. Steve was too polite for his own good, never blatantly refusing to be affectionate but at the same time not pushing it onto Bucky either. Always the perfect gentleman.

It was driving Bucky insane.

Which is why, one drizzly October day, with gray clouds rolling overhead and rain plinking softly against the window, Bucky nearly fell over when he saw Steve walk into the room. As it were he just froze, staring in shock as he watched Steve wander into the kitchen with his shoulders slumped forward and a haunted expression on his face. Oh, and he was wearing Bucky’s shirt. There was that little detail as well.

Bucky’s shirt, from way back fuck knows when, threadbare and falling apart but _god_ it was beautiful. Steve was beautiful.

Steve in his sweatpants and bare feet and messed up bed hair because not only was he wearing Bucky’s shirt he had apparently even slept in it.

Bucky’d choked back a whimper as even more memories flooded his mind: Steve small and squiring beneath him, a wrinkled ball of fabric in the bottom of his pack traveling across entire oceans, forgiveness and acceptance and giving Steve what no one else knew he even needed. What Bucky had forgotten Steve needed, and what Steve apparently needed again.

But he had to think for a moment, stop to consider the situation before letting his libido run ahead of himself. Because that wasn’t _his_ shirt, it was the _old_ Bucky’s shirt. And there was a part of him saying that Steve didn’t even really know what he was doing, that he was unaware of the signal he was sending out like a desperate SOS and had just put the shirt on looking for some comfort and a reminder of things that were. Steve always had been too stubborn to admit he needed something, had waited for Bucky to force the medicine down his throat or threaten to sit on him if he didn’t take the offered blanket.

So he’d just need to find a subtle way to test the waters, that was all.

His plan was easy enough: leave one of his shirts neatly folded on Steve’s bed with a note. Then wait and see what happens.

And that’s why he was up at fucking two in the morning waiting for Steve to get home because of course today of all days he’d been called out on an emergency mission. He contemplated multiple times just scrapping the plan for a later day but something stopped him every time. It had to be tonight, he just knew it did.

It wasn’t until nearly three that the door opened and shut, quiet but not so much so that Bucky would ever think there was an intruder. Because Steve was considerate with little things like that even when dead on his feet. Always thinking of others.

Bucky was remembering more and more why Steve needed to wear that shirt in the first place.

When Steve rounded the corner he looked surprised to see Bucky awake on the couch, a worried furrow appeared on his brow a moment later and he quickly set his shield down by the door. “Nightmare?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, just waiting for you.”

“It’s nearly three in the morning, Buck.” The _you should be in bed_ was unspoken but heard nonetheless, part of Steve’s battle with himself to look after Bucky but let him make decisions on his own.

But in reality, Steve was the one who needed looking after.

“I know.” Bucky shrugged.

“Then what…” The wrinkles in Steve’s forehead deepened. “I don’t understand. Did you need to talk about something? Did you remember something again?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, just missed you.” He put a little extra weight behind his words and darkened his gaze, fluttered his lashes a few times if you will, but Steve just went from worried to confused. Bucky sighed. “How about you go shower and then we can watch a movie or something?”

“Alright,” Steve nodded, giving Bucky one last anxious gaze before starting to head down the hall. “Be back in a few.”

The shower started down the hall and Bucky started idly flexing his fingers, wondering just how out of it Steve was to have gone along pliantly with Bucky’s orders and presumably not notice the shirt on his bed.

He flipped off the TV and laced his fingers together between his legs, letting his head hang down as he waited for the shower to shut off, then sucking in a breath when he heard the soft padding of bare feet against the floor.

“Bucky?” Steve asked quietly, something fragile behind the question, posture unsure as he stood in the doorway in nothing but a pair of boxers and Bucky’s shirt.

“Yeah, Stevie?”

Steve let out a pained sound and squeezed his eyes shut. “Bucky, I-” He held out the note Bucky had left. “What is this?”

“I think you know what it is, Stevie.” Bucky said slowly. “But before you answer, and I mean before you _really_ answer, you’ve gotta understand I’m not the same person I was before. I mean, I still…I still _want_ you, but for this to work I’ve gotta know that you want me back. And not the old Bucky Barnes, I mean me. Who I am now. I’ve gotta know you want this Bucky, too.”

“Buck,” Steve breathed. “Buck of course I still- I’ve always- You’re still _Bucky_.” He looked down at the paper in his hand and let a small, tentative smile curve his lips. “You’re still my best guy.” Bucky’s heart gave a painful thump in his chest even as Steve shyly scratched the back of his neck. “And, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly the same person either.”

Bucky read the tension in Steve’s shoulders and his expression softened. “Still my Stevie though?” He phrased it as a question because he needed to be sure, always needing to be sure he was doing what Steve wanted, what he needed.

Steve looked up at him through his lashes, posture hesitant like it only was when he wanted Bucky to take control. And Bucky would never say no to that.

“C’mere, baby doll,” Bucky said softly, holding out an arm and waiting for Steve to come closer. When Steve stepped between his legs, Bucky reached up and held him steady by the hips, rubbing soothingly over his hipbones with his thumbs. “You’ve been so strong haven’t you, sweetheart? Waited so long for me, been so good. I’m proud of you. So, so proud of you.”

Steve flushed red but didn’t do anything to stop Bucky’s praise, just leaned a bit more into Bucky’s hands and tangled his own in the fabric of Bucky’s shirt.

“You like the new shirt, Stevie?” Bucky asked. “Picked it out just for you. Nice and soft and simple, wore it under my sweatshirt just the other day so it should still smell like me.” Steve gave a sharp little intake of breath and Bucky squeezed his hips encouragingly. “You can check if you want, see if it does.”

Very slowly, Steve lifted one of his arms and tipped his head towards the fabric at his shoulder, taking in one tentative breath before burying his face in the smell.

“Good?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded wordlessly, not pulling his face away. “Stevie, look at me.” Steve didn’t move so Bucky strengthened his tone. “Look at me, Stevie.”

At that, Steve did finally lift his head, staring at Bucky with wide eyes that only grew wider when Bucky suddenly stood and pulled him into his chest, placing a hand on the back of Steve’s neck and pressing him close. Steve was tense at the sudden motion but relaxed soon after, going limp in Bucky’s arms as Bucky stroked up and down his back, taking in one shaky breath, then another.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You’re okay. I’ve got you. Just deep breaths, nice deep breaths. I’ve got you, you’re okay.” He ran his fingers through the hair at Steve’s nape, scratching lightly at the scalp, then pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “You’re my best guy, always will be. Even when I hardly even knew who I was, I knew you, Stevie. Knew you were mine. Knew I wasn’t supposed to hurt you.”

Steve shook in his arms and Bucky realized with a start that Steve was _crying._ He could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Steve cry.

“That’s right, baby doll.” Bucky said. “Just let it out, I’m here now. I’ve got you. Whatever you need, just let it out. Love you so much.”

Steve let out a choked noise and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist to clutch him tight. “Buck…” he whispered, sounding so broken Bucky had to take a moment to stare at the ceiling and make sure he wasn’t going to cry himself.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Stevie. You’re okay. We’re okay.” He started rocking them gently side-to-side. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna make sure you’re okay. My sweet, sweet baby doll. Been so good for so long. But I’ve got you now, it’s okay.”

Steve sniffled softly into his neck and they both just stood there for a while, listening to the sound of the city and the rain still gently falling outside the window.

And Bucky knew he had to do something, knew Steve was _waiting_ for it, _depending_ on it even. Because Steve spent so much of his time carrying the weight of the entire world on his shoulders and blaming himself for every bad thing that he couldn’t stop, that sometimes Bucky wondered how he didn’t just break. But that’s what he was supposed to be for, he was supposed to take Steve’s chipped pieces and make them whole again, nurture him and keep him safe for however long it took for Steve to put himself back together and be ready for the next wave of responsibility.

And it had been so long. Even discounting Steve’s time on ice, it was the longest he’d gone without having Bucky there to make him relax and let go.

“Stevie? Baby doll?” Bucky asked, urging Steve back just enough to see his face. “You gonna let me take care of you?” Steve nodded and Bucky gave him a quick squeeze before releasing him and taking one of his hands in his own, lacing their fingers together and leading him back to the bedroom.

They were sprawled out on the sheets together in record time, naked and needy except for the shirt whispering soft against Steve chest and Bucky’s hands as he started in on Steve’s nipples. Steve let out a breathy whimper.

“Like that?” Bucky asked, giving one of Steve’s nipples a particularly good pinch. “Always were so good for me when I played with your chest, weren’t you Stevie? Gonna be good for me again?”

“Yeah, yeah Buck.” Steve panted, trying to arch closer into the touch. “Please, just-”

Bucky drug his hands in a large swoop down Steve’s sides than back up again, purposefully avoiding the gentle peaks in the fabric as he started rubbing beneath Steve’s collarbone, along his ribs.

“ _Bucky_.” Steve groaned, an edge of demand in his tone.

Which is exactly what Bucky had been waiting for. Steve feeling like he could beg, like he could ask for something and get it-no questions asked. And Bucky was happy to deliver, immediately going back to rubbing Steve’s nipples with the palms of his hands before rolling them with his fingers.

“Whatever you want,” Bucky said. “Whatever you want. I’ve got you. Gonna take care of my baby doll.”

Steve let out a whimper at that and squirmed under Bucky’s hands, unraveling beautifully against the sheets. They were both achingly hard and Steve’s eyes had already gone glossy again, so Bucky swooped down and pressed a quick, messy kiss to Steve’s open mouth, licking in with his tongue for a taste before pulling back again. Teasing. Steve tried to follow him then fell back against the bed with a disgruntled little sound when he realized he couldn’t, Bucky’s hands still holding him down.

Bucky shushed him quietly then asked, “Got anything to get you wet with, Stevie? Wanna take care of you right, wanna make it so good for you.”

“Under the bed,” Steve panted, staying artfully sprawled across the sheets as Bucky hung over the side of the mattress to search for the container of slick. Thankfully, it wasn’t too hard to find and he was soon back up between Steve’s thighs, rubbing lube across his fingers before bending down to breathe hot across Steve’s lips.

“You ready, doll face? Ready for me to take care of you?”

“ _Buck_.” Steve growled, fire back in his voice, quiet but demanding. “Please ju-” he broke off into a loud moan as Bucky fisted his cock, giving it a few firm strokes before teasing at the head.

“That’s right, Stevie. Just let it out. Be loud as you wanna be.” He picked up the pace a bit, twisting his wrist near the head and adding just a bit more pressure like he knew Steve loved. “Gonna get nice and loud for me, sweetheart?”

“ _Bucky!_ ”

“That’s it, that’s it, Stevie. You’re mine, yeah? Just let me take care of you. Don’t worry about anything else. Just you and me, baby doll. And I’ve got you, I’m right here and I’ve got you.”

Steve thrust up into Bucky’s hand and moved his hips jerkily against the bed, rucking up the shirt even more until a strip of his stomach was exposed, pale skin that Bucky immediately smoothed over with his other hand. “Need you, Buck.” Steve pleaded. “Need you, please.”

“Course, sweetheart. Anything you need. Love you so much.” He reached for the lube and quickly slicked up his metal fingers, sparing a moment to wonder if he shouldn’t try to warm them up but being pulled from his thoughts when Steve groaned loudly beneath him. “Alright, alright,” he placated. “Sorry, Stevie. Just relax.”

He slowed his pace on Steve’s cock and waited for him to shudder and go lax again, then thrust one digit straight into his hole, moving up Steve’s body to swallow the surprised gasp that fell from his lips.

A second finger was added not soon after and Steve was falling apart, trapped between pushing down onto Bucky’s fingers or thrusting up into his hand. But Bucky knew that still wouldn’t be enough, and as much as both of them may’ve wanted to go all the way, Bucky knew that that wasn’t a step they were quite ready to take. So he crooked his fingers and searched, finding Steve’s special spot and thrusting against it repeatedly in time with his hand on Steve’s cock. Steve let out a startled yell and ground down against Bucky’s hand, going completely incoherent when Bucky kept his fingers buried deep in Steve’s ass and just rubbed that one spot, speeding up his other hand as he whispered in his ear.

“So good for me, Stevie. So beautiful. Love hearing you say my name. Love when you get loud for me. Look so good with my fingers in you. Look so good in my shirt.” He bit at Steve’s neck then licked a stripe over the red mark. “You may be the nation’s golden boy but you’re _my_ baby doll. My best guy. Nobody’s ever gonna be as lucky as me, seeing you like this. Can’t believe you’re mine, Stevie. Can’t believe I’m yours. Always, always gonna be yours though. Can’t imagine be anyone else’s. Can’t imagine being without you.”

“Love you so much, Stevie.” Bucky murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to Steve’s lips, smiling as Steve opened up and moaned for him, saying his name over and over like a prayer as he spilled between their chests, making the already sweaty shirt even more sticky and damp.

And after he was done, Steve just blinked up into Bucky’s eyes and gave him a shy smile. “Love you too, Buck. Wanna be yours. Always, always wanna be yours.”

That was the final straw for Bucky, those words from Steve’s pink and well-kissed lips, calling out to him in a way he’d never fully be able to understand. He just knew Steve was his, wanted to be his, and he was going to _claim_ him in any way he could. Because he could.

So he reached down and gave himself a few quick jerks, not taking long at all before he was spilling all over Steve, getting his cum on the shirt, on Steve’s hips, the inside of his thighs. But Steve just moaned softly at the sensation, head tilted back as Bucky panted into the air.

They were both spent but at the same time exponentially more free, like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders and now they were both floating like feathers in the air. Bucky collapsed easily at Steve’s side and pulled him close, burying his face in Steve’s soft blond hair and just breathing him in.

It took a bit longer for Steve to rejoin the land of the living. But when he did, he just smiled at Bucky with his face flushed and his lips swollen and his entire everything just screaming _I’ve just been made a mess of and I love it._

Bucky chuckled softly. “Guess we’ve christened that shirt then, haven’t we?” Steve hummed in agreement and Bucky carefully pushed some of the hair off of his forehead, not caring that his own was stuck to the side of his face and the back of his neck. “Don’t suppose you want to clean up?”

“No,” Steve shook his head. “No, I really don’t.”

Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead. “Whatever you want, doll face.” Then he moved to kiss Steve’s nose, his cheeks, before pressing a series of chaste kisses to those tempting pink lips.

“Bucky…” Steve finally rumbled. “You’re staying right?”

_Staying tonight, staying forever. Staying with me._

“For as long as you’ll have me,” Bucky whispered back, nearly fumbling the last words as Steve suddenly rolled over and clung to Bucky’s chest, crushing him into the mattress with his head pillowed just below Bucky’s chin.

“Then you’ll be here forever.” Steve quipped back, snuggling closer as if to simultaneously prove his point and trap Bucky there.

As if he’d ever need to hold Bucky to him. As if Bucky wouldn't clutch him just as close.

“Sounds perfect to me,” Bucky murmured, relaxing back into the pillows and stroking a hand through Steve’s hair.

It only took a few minutes for Steve to fall heavy against him, safe and secure and _finally_ relaxed.

The rain outside had stopped and Bucky could hear the last drops falling from the window as he smiled fondly down at the man in his arms. As he settled in to sleep, he turned his head and caught sight of a familiar piece of paper sitting on Steve’s nightstand.

_Time for a new shirt?_

Bucky smiled. A new shirt. A new start. A new beginning.

He tightened his hold around Steve’s waist and buried his nose in the soap and sweat smell of Steve’s hair. He was never letting go again.

\---+---+---+---

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!!!
> 
> i'm on [tumblr](itsmylifekay.tumblr.com) if you wanna come say hi^^


End file.
